The Babysitter Part Four In retrospect, Kerry realized, she had always known that this secret could not be kept. She had gone for months wearing diapers around the clock, coming home two or three times a day to be changed by Gretchen, trying desperately to hide the smell and the sound of her diapers from friends and colleagues, always wondering who might suspect. But she had not been able to keep it long from Jim, and he had insisted that she have more tests to determine the cause of her newly weak bladder. (She had not let him know about the bowels; that would have been to hard to explain away.) The doctors, of course, reiterated the old song: they could not find anything wrong; perhaps she should see a psychiatrist. And so it went on, and Jim gradually accepted her incontinence without understanding it. It was probably easier that he was away a lot. His trips made Kerry's relationship with Gretchen easier to deal with. Gradually, that relationship evolved. Gretchen made Kerry wear nothing over her diapers in the evenings when Jim was away, after the kids were in bed. They had developed a routine ("as I do for any baby," Gretchen said): first Carly and Lisa were put down for the night, and then Gretchen would escort Kerry to her room where she would slip out of her daytime clothing. Kerry would lie on the bed and Gretchen would see to her diaper. Kerry could not remember when it was that Gretchen had started to fondle her at this time, but for months now she had become accustomed to it, waited for it, longed for it on days when Jim was around. Perhaps Gretchen had gotten the notion from some of Kerry's ASFD files; certainly she had devoured them from the start, reading everything Kerry had saved, downloading posting after posting and gif after gif. Lately the newsgroup had seen a noticeable bump in the number of lesbian stories, stories which Kerry had previously read only for their erotic diaper content, but which now had a new appeal. It was at times like these, as she lay entwined on the bed with her babysitter, with Gretchen stroking her hair gently and their bodies rubbing softly against each other, that Kerry realized just how much her world had changed. Some nights, Gretchen would leave Kerry's diaper on while they lay there, rubbing her through the wet material. Kerry was not really sure which she liked more. A lifetime of fantasy had been replaced with a singularly entrancing reality, and the German girl in bed there with her had become important to her in ways she could never have conceived. After snuggling for a while, Greetchen would announce that it was time to put the baby's diapers back on so tha she would not wet all over the furniture. And certainly that was becoming a possibility: months of enforced diaper wearing had caused a significant slip in Kerry's ability to maintain control. More than once lately she had found herself wetting and even messing her diapers at work before she could get out to her car; she simply could not keep it in as long as she had once been able to. She understood what was happening; she had seen it a thousand times in the newsgroup, but had never quite believed it: her muscles were beginning to atrophy from lack of regular use. It frightened her, and she had tried to get Gretchen to ease up on the rules, but to no avail. "Babies wear diapers, Kerry," she was told. There was never any arguing with Gretchen. Jim was staying away more now, and Kerry worried that perhaps her diapers were turning him off, even though he assured her that everything was all right and still made love to her regularly (after she took a shower). And those nights when he was not home were such blissful, infantile pleasure that Kerry was truly enjoying her double life. But the novelty of the nights gradually faded, and Kerry felt herself needing to pay more attention both to her own children and to her husband. She desperately wanted to get out of her arrangement with Gretchen, but the German girl refused to listen. In bed one night in April, Kerry decided that it was time to be blunt. The lovemaking had been good, as usual, but even Gretchen had sensed that something was wrong. Kerry pulled herself up on the bed, as she had rehearsed (since she felt that it was better to be sitting and seem adult). She spoke gently but firmly her prepared speech. "Gretchen, I think it is time we stopped doing this. I have to consider my family and the impact this might have on them, and I am really very worried about my health. Besides, you are going to be leaving soon. It's gone on long enough; we've got to stop." The German girl listened without interrupting. Then, without a word, she caught Kerry suddenly about her waist and spun her over on the bed, rolling on top of her and pinning her down, one hand holding Kerry's loose arm tight against her body. Kerry let out a sharp cry of surprise, but Gretchen stopped her. "You don't want to wake up the kids, do you, Kerry?" Kerry did not know what to do or what to expect, She tried to talk but Gretchen stopped her. "I listened to you, baby, and now you will listen to me," she said. "I have enjoyed out little evenings together, but you are under some kind of misapprehension if you believe that you are running this show. I am the babysitter and you are the baby, and as long as I am here what I say will go." With that, Gretchen's large hand came crashing down on Kerry's rear. "Don't cry out, little girl; your children might hear." The spanking continued. Kerry was powerless to stop it; Gretchen was larger and stronger and the position in which she had caught Kerry made escape impossible. Gretchen's hand fell repeatedly on Kerry's increasingly red buttocks, and she buried her face in her pillow to stifle her wailing. Finally, after what to Kerry seemed a year, it was over. The last blow has gone, and Gretchen was getting up from the bed. A moment passed in which the only sound in the room was Kerry's slowly subsiding sobbing. "Roll over, Baby. It's time to get your diaper on." Gretchen's voice was the same as always: friendly but insistent in that dominant German manner. Kerry looked at the girl through her tears as she turned over and lifted herself so that Gretchen could slide the diaper beneath her. The babysitter smiled at her, and Kerry knew what Gretchen knew: there was nothing she could do, unless she wanted to risk having her friends and even Lisa know about this. Gretchen taped on the diaper and left the room. leaving her employer to lie in bed, her rear burning, wetting her pillow with her tears. But au pairs are only allowed to stay in the US for a single year, and Gretchen's year was slowly coming to an end. She no longer came to Kerry's bed except to change her, and she spent more and more of her time with the computer, as if she wanted to memorize all of the details about Kerry's peculiar fetish. It got to the point that Kerry herself was not even able to get at the thing. When she reminded Gretchen that it was her computer, Gretchen simply explained that she was the babysitter and she made the rules, and unless little Kerry wanted to end their agreement she had better go away. Kerry inevitably went sulking off to do some housework, aware that even her beloved cybersex was now being denied to her. The first batch of applications for the new au pair arrived in early June. There were some good ones (Gretchen noted the ones that had special training with babies) and, as usual, some mediocre ones. Jim insisted that Gretchen, who was wonderful, he said, with the babies (Kerry had winced), help to select the next girl, and she leaped at the offer. She spoke at length to several candidates over the phone, often in German, a language that neither Jim nor Kerry could understand. But no one seemed to please her, and Kerry and Jim had found none that seemed right to them either. It worried Kerry whenever Gretchen spoke in German to a candidate. What was she telling the girl? Would she reveal the secret? A second batch of applications arrived: all Germans this time. Gretchen had smiled when she opened it, and even Kerry had to admit that there were a couple of girls who looked very strong. Jim and Kerry narrowed it to two of them, and, after talking at length to both, Jim talked Kerry into allowing Gretchen to decide. She was to talk to them both and actually offer the position to the one she selected; the responsibility was a reward, Jim felt, for the wonderful job she had done all year. The calls lasted a half hour each, and neither Jim nor Kerry understood a word. Together they discussed the girls, and they both had a slight preference for Berthe, a girl from Hamburg who was quite well-spoken. But when Gretchen finally hung up, she announced that she had offered the position to Stefanie, the other girl, whose qualifications were in fact equally strong. Since Stefanie could not get there until two days after Gretchen had to leave, the two girls would not have a chance to meet. Kerry was relieved at this, for it would prevent Gretchen from being able to fill the new girl in on the year's activities. Gretchen hinted on many occasions that she might like to return to the US some time, and Jim told her on several occasions that she would always be welcome. Kerry always nodded in complete agreement, her wet diapers clinging to her hips. The day of Gretchen's departure arrived, and Kerry had to drive her to the airport because Jim, who had said his goodbyes earlier, was out of town. As Lisa played on the floor in front of the molded plastic seats and Carly slept in her stroller, Kerry and Gretchen sat together for the last time. "Do you need changing?" Gretchen asked with a wink. Kerry blushed; someone could easily have heard the remark. "No," she replied, not completely accurately. "I'm fine." Gretchen looked into her eyes. "I have enjoyed the year, Kerry," she said softly. "I've learned a lot. And I think that you have enjoyed it too, haven't you?" The host mother felt herself wetting a little bit. She glanced meekly at the floor. "Kerry?" Gretchen repeated. "Yes," came the soft reply. Gretchen smiled and rose to meet her plane. "I knew it," she said. "I have one last surprise for you, Baby, but you'll have to go home to find it. I won't tell you where it is, but you'll know it when you see it." She bent over and gave Kerry a gentle kiss. Confused, Kerry said her goodbyes and wached this extraordinary young woman walk out of her life. That night, for the first time since April, Kerry logged into the newsgroup. The stories, she found, were much the same. In fact, some of them were exactly the same, only many chapters later. But she discovered as she slid through her folders that Gretchen had been keeping her up to date, and she thought that this was what the au pair must have meant. Kerry began to read through some of the stories, rubbing her damp crotch through her diaper. She read story after story, some old and some new, reliving the humiliation and the pleasure of the last eight months in her mind as she read. She did not know if she could stop wearing the diapers at this point; maybe she couldn't. Whatever, she thought; I'll do what I have to do. At least I am in control of my own destiny. A folder that she did not recognize caught her eyes. Its title was in German, and even though when she opened it the contents were clearly downloaded from AFSD, they too were in German. She tried to make them out, but a year with Gretchen had yielded surprisingly little of that language. The word "Windel" kept recurring, but she did not know what it meant. And then, in two different paragraphs, she found her own name: Kerry, an unsettling coincidence. Even more unsettling, though, was the name she found in the header to the posting: Stefanie N. She checked the other postings in the folder; all were to or from Stefanie N. Many mentioned her name, along with Lisa's, Carly's, and Jim's. She checked the dates: this correspondence had been going on for months. Gretchen knew Stefanie. Stefanie knew Gretchen. Stefanie knew... Waiting for the passengers to get off of the plane, Kerry knew she was wet but she did not care. The kids were at home in bed and Jim was with them, and the new au pair would be arriving any minute. She felt her heartbeat racing as she waited, part of her hoping it couldn't be true and part of her knowing it had to be. The moment she saw her, all doubt was removed. The tall, blond young woman, a bit more athletic looking than Gretchen, came up the walkway carrying a single bag, and Kerry instantly recognized her from her photo on the application. They hugged briefly and introduced themselves. It didn't really surprise Kerry when Stefanie asked if she was wet. She just blushed a little bit and nodded a meek "Yes." "Let's get you changed, then" Stefanie said as she took Kerry's hand and led her toward the woman's room, carrying her pink diaper bag firmly over her shoulder.